Episode 55: Shift From Grasping to Gratitude with Nancy Boyd – Transcript

Wealth On Any Income Podcast Episode 55

Rennie Gabriel  00:09
Hi, folks, welcome to Episode 55 of the Wealth On Any Income Podcast. This is where we talk about money, tips, techniques, attitudes, information and provide inspiration. I'm your host, Rennie Gabriel. In past episodes, we spoke about how to build an income and expense report, how to measure the level of pleasure based on where you spend your money, how to track your money in 5 - 10 seconds, what to look for in a net worth statement to see how close you are to Complete Financial Choice®. And last week, we had Mark Silver, the founder of Heart of Business, helping thousands of business owners integrate spirituality, business nitty-gritty with an awareness of social justice. Today, we have as our guest, Nancy Boyd. Nancy is an award-winning writer, coach, healer and thought leader, author of four books, and creator of Soul-Based Operating Systems for people who want more out of life. Nancy, welcome to the Wealth On Any Income Podcast.

Nancy Boyd  01:14
Thank you, Rennie, I'm so grateful to be here and to meet your audience.

Rennie Gabriel  01:19
My pleasure. Well, let's get right to some questions. Tell me what you do and why you do it.

Nancy Boyd  01:26
I teach new ways to function in a very chaotic world, so that what truly matters to us gets all the attention that it deserves, and that you need to have in your life.

Rennie Gabriel  01:39
Got it. Is there a particular charity that you support? And if so, what do they do?

Nancy Boyd  01:46
I support several of them. But my favorite is one called the Joyful Heart Foundation. And that's the joyfulheartfoundation.org. This foundation works to create a world free of sexual assault, domestic violence and child abuse. And those are issues, which unfortunately, are still very prevalent in today's world. They support not only survivors, but also families and communities. And it's an organization that I support, because we really need more strong and healthy men and women who are able to be out in the world, and who stand as allies against the forms of abuse that have become all too prevalent, especially during this past few years where there's been a lot of chaos and turmoil. And it's not so easy for victims to get the kind of help that they need. So all the people we can find who are doing the work to support having a healthy world and have healthy relationships in the world, they deserve all the help they can get. And that's why I support them.

Rennie Gabriel  02:56
And bless you for doing that. Let's talk about your target market, who would you say your work is focused toward?

Nancy Boyd  03:03
Over the years I have worked with quite a variety of different kinds of people, and it's been a struggle from time to time to find what is the common thread that unites all these people. So the simplest way I can put it is, men and women, at any stage of their lives, who want more out of life and are ready to move forward, to do the work, the inner work it takes to have a really beautiful life and have a meaningful and powerful life.

Rennie Gabriel  03:29
And I think one of the key words in that sentence is ready to move forward, because, you know, it's the expression, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him or her drink. 

Nancy Boyd  03:42

Rennie Gabriel  03:44 In terms of growing your own business, and whether it's personal, whether it's financial or business oriented, what would you say would be your biggest failure?

Nancy Boyd  03:57
The biggest failure that I had came after I had a sudden health challenge. And in a way it felt at the time like a failure, because I was forced to give up the life that I had been living and the kind of work that I had been doing. It made it so that I was never after going to be able to do that kind of work. And that felt like I had failed in some way. And that wasn't actually true. In fact, it opened up great new vistas for me and enabled me to create a whole new career for myself that is much more satisfying, much more suited to me. And that would never have happened because I was just not going to take action, unless something had intervened. And Divine Providence actually did that for me. So, in that sense, I could say that I failed. But any failure that I have had, I can always look at it and say you know what? There is a hidden gold in this. There are hidden opportunities in it. That as long as I stop fighting and saying, you know, what is the good thing about this? What new doors does this open for me that I would never have walked through, if I hadn't had that situation, if I hadn't had that problem? And I can always find something. In fact, sometimes that's why the bad, quote-unquote, bad thing happened was so that I could move forward in life and take advantage of opportunities I would never have noticed, I was not paying attention to. So I think anyone can, anyone can look at it a problem in those ways as what is this opportunity that's hiding from me? Where can I look to find a better answer?

Rennie Gabriel  05:38
And sometimes that doesn't show up until afterward. I'm thinking of the first time I went broke. I was probably in my 30s. I had an art gallery that went down the tubes, saddled with credit card debt and no income. And I looked at it as well, I was quite fearful of ever losing money because I didn't think I could rebuild it. But having lost it all, I found out I did have the strength, the skills, the intellect, to not only rebuild it, but to rebuild it bigger than it was before. So it sounds like that's what you're talking about when life gives you something like that, as long as you're looking for what opportunities is it providing, you will find them. You will see them. So it sounds like that was one of your insights from this failure. Is that right?

Nancy Boyd  06:27
It was one of the big insights. And also something that you mentioned is also true that you can't just pivot immediately from one thing to another, when you have a misfortune or a challenge in your life. It really pays to take time to pay attention to your feelings about it, your approaches to it and your habits of dealing - how you normally deal with things in life. And maybe this is your signal that whatever was working for you in the past, maybe it's time to try something new. Maybe it's time to not always be the same way you've always been about it. And then like in your case, where you had a situation where you felt doomed in a way. Is that a good word to say?

Rennie Gabriel  07:14
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, or crushed. 

Nancy Boyd  07:16
Or crushed. Right?

Rennie Gabriel  07:17
Very similar.

Nancy Boyd  07:18
Or defeated. All of those things. Listen, I had been there. I know so many people have, that you can feel like it's the end of the world. And there's times, when in retrospect, you can see that thing needed to end so that something new could be born. And we forget that. We forget that there are ways that change happens that aren't always comfortable for us, but that produce beautiful results. And part of the answer about that is always to be with, be present with everything that you're going through, as you're going through it so that you can recognize something new and important that's going to come into your life, which you can't if you're just have your eyes down and focused on how am I going to solve this terrible problem. You're not going to see it. Like it could be a whole parade of people standing there. Maybe even waiting to give you money that you aren't paying any attention to at all, because you're so busy focused on how am I solving my own little problem right here. So it's a process. And it's a good one for most people. But not everybody knows how to do that. And that's a little piece of my work. It's one of the areas that I covered in the book that I wrote, one of the books that I wrote, and more and more people are learning this. And the more that we know how to cope with things that feel like struggle in our lives in a healthier way, in a more wholesome way, we're going to get through things really, really well and learn how to attract and invite into our experience, people who are more qualified to help us and who are stronger and more healthy than we may be or have been in our past. And by that I would be addressing people who have unfortunate experiences in their lives where they saw unhealthy lifestyles. You know, whether it's addictions, or it can have like, I don't know, how many kinds of addictions are there? There's millions of them. You know, all the recovery programs I looked up one time. It's like, they're in the hundreds now. It's like, wow, that's kind of shocking in one way. But it's also great, because there are people who can help. So don't forget that. You know.

Rennie Gabriel  09:30
Exactly. And it's funny, because, as you were saying that I was realizing, looking back at my first marriage, when my wife came to me and said she wanted a divorce, I thought oh my gosh, how horrible. I can't let this happen. We were together 19 years already. And that was the best thing that ever happened to me. My life wouldn't be as beautiful and full and I wouldn't have the tremendous partner that I have in my life for the last 23 years if my first wife hadn't said she wanted to divorce. 

Nancy Boyd  10:03

Rennie Gabriel  10:05
So tell me about the typical feelings your prospects might experience before they come to you.

Nancy Boyd  10:12
Well, a lot of times, they're at the end of their rope. They've tried a lot of things and they haven't worked. They say, you know, what am I got to lose. I've got to try something different. So many times they just feel invisible and discouraged, like, they're ready to give up. And they feel like they're living lives of quiet desperation. And not sure that there is any bright light, because their tunnel looks pretty dark where they're standing. So one of the things that I do for them in those circumstances is, first of all, just to let them know, they are not alone. And that help is available. We don't always know. And I don't know, for anybody else, I don't have their solution. But I absolutely know that the solution lies someplace within them. Their spirit, their soul knows what they're about and what they need. And together, I'm their ally, to stand with them and say, you know what? We don't know the answer. But how about we find out?

Rennie Gabriel  11:09
Yeah, and it reminds me of something else that I say all the time, which is wealth creation, it doesn't matter if wealth creation, personal relationships, business growth, it's a team sport, not a solo sport. And too many people attempt to do this by themselves. And it's futile. And if it's not futile, it's at least ineffective. 

Nancy Boyd  11:32
Ineffective. That's a very good word for it. 

Rennie Gabriel  11:34
And so let me ask you this, what are some of the common mistakes that you see your prospects or clients make?

Nancy Boyd  11:42
Again, that's quite a range. And everybody, if you look at your own life, what would you point at and say, how many mistakes have I made? Oh, everybody has, everybody has a long list, you know. 

Rennie Gabriel  11:52
Oh, yeah. Couldn't count them all.

Nancy Boyd  11:54
But, you know, in general it's, if I have to generalize it, for brevity, we will do this. I think chasing shiny objects, like, when you're in pain, you're going to just reach for something. It's like the drowning man syndrome. You're going to reach for anything that moves that can help, that you think it's going to get you out of the water,

Rennie Gabriel  12:12
Anything that looks like it floats.

Nancy Boyd  12:14
Anything that looks like it floats. That's your, that's what your going to reach for. And that's not always the best thing, because there's a lot of poison in some of those shiny objects. And so that'll be one mistake. I would say also looking for a power piece and potential in all the wrong places. Like in the in the 12-Step programs, they say that people, places and things are not your answer. It starts inside you. You have to go inside first to find out your own truth. Like what's true for you? 

Rennie Gabriel  12:48

Nancy Boyd  12:49
What's real? What's your truth and your reality? And make peace with that. Because you could be very judgmental about this and say, I'm terrible because all of these things happened to me. And I'm a failure. And I'm all of these things. Well, so what? You're here.

Rennie Gabriel 13:02
Yep. Yeah. It's having the willingness to look within.

Nancy Boyd  13:06
Have the willingness to look within, and start looking in some of the better places than you have been looking because, guess what? That hasn't worked for you. You wouldn't be here. You wouldn't be calling me and say help. So, and I'm not going to be the one to tell you what you should do, either. But I'm going to insist that you find out and you put some effort into finding out what's healthy for you, and what's going to work for you. So, and this, this will bring me to my third thing. The third mistake that I see people make is not paying attention to their inner self. They'll listen to everybody else around them. And they'll listen to the news. They'll read articles. They'll read books, and all kinds of things, but the one place they are initially reluctant to go is inside, and listen to their own inner wisdom, which is really important. Because, I put it this way. If you accept someone else's plan for you, you're going to be living their life. You're not going to be living your life. Anybody will be more than happy to tell you what you should be doing, and then you'll go off and do that. And that's not your life. That's somebody else's idea of what your life should be.

Rennie Gabriel  14:11
Yeah, one of the ways that that I'm relating to this is the idea of using intuition, using your gut to determine what's a fit. And I know, I've been practicing that for years now, you know, copying on what seemed to be natural for most women. You know, if they think someone isn't healthy for them, that intuition is correct. Far more correct than any intellect will convince them otherwise. So yeah, listening to your self, your higher wiser self, that is always going to be a much better answer to the question. 

Nancy Boyd  14:51

Rennie Gabriel  14:53
Let's see. Do you have an example of a case study of someone who, you know, was kind of like fighting with this stuff and what the result would be?

Nancy Boyd  15:04
I'm trying to think of a particular case study, and I didn't have a special one that comes to mind automatically, I can think over the years. There have been so many people. Mostly . . . Well, I'll give one example. I was working with a person who is an image consultant, basically. And she does, she's a stylist. She does people's colors, and their makeup and so forth so they can present themselves, you know, however they want to appear to the world. You know, in a really beautiful way. And she had, that particular client had issues with a little bit about self esteem, but also, she was one who would look outside herself for answers, for someone else to tell her what to do, and that kind of thing. And so she was always very frustrated with me, because that's not how I work. I don't tell people what to do. So, at one point she came with this particular complaint about - she was annoyed because this one woman kept calling her up all the time and asking her advice and asking her to lunch and so forth. She assumed that it was on a social basis. And I said, "Just stop for a minute and look at this. How often have you been trying to attract new clients? You've got the same old clients you've had for a really long time, and you've been telling me that you need to do something to get new clients." This woman happened to be a center of influence in this nearby community. And yet, she only felt annoyance when the person kept contacting her thinking that she was just like almost a stalker, you know. What's going on over here? What if this woman is going to open a door and lead you to all the new clients that you could ever want? So what have you got to lose by following up on that? And that made a huge shift for her to be able to look at it from a different perspective, because she was so stuck in that this person is annoying me, and she couldn't see that there was a real loud knock on her door, like, I want to be your client. Will you please help me? And she was missing that. She didn't get it at all. 

Rennie Gabriel  17:11
Oh, funny. 

Nancy Boyd  17:12
It was very funny. If it's just those kind of simple things. You know, that in one way they're, they're kind of simple, but they could be totally profound. It could be life-changing. For her. For her whole business.

Rennie Gabriel  17:25
Yeah, and she was thinking that she was being taken advantage of by this person. 

Nancy Boyd  17:29

Rennie Gabriel  17:29
And in reality, this person was crying out for help, saying, please, I want to hire you. That's what it sounds like...

Nancy Boyd  17:36
Exactly. I want to hire you, but she would have missed it. So those kinds of things are what I'm talking about that change your perspective and having someone objective, look at your situation and even pose different kinds of questions than you have been asking yourself. You know, it's a real different way to think about it. 

Rennie Gabriel  17:56
It gets back to team support, not a solo sport. Is there a valuable free resource you can direct people to that will further help them solve this issue, if they see that for themselves?

Nancy Boyd  18:09
It will get them on the road. Sure, I have a book that's forthcoming called Healing the Wanting - Making the Shift from Grasping to Gratitude. Because, you know, when we're in trouble that's the first thing we want, grab something. Grab on to something. Our life jacket. We're looking for that shiny object or something that's going to help us. And I've been putting down into print the kinds of solutions that are going to work better for you. So I have a preface and an excerpt from my forthcoming book, Healing the Wanting, that I'd be honored for people to read and share with one another, that gives you some practical tools and some different ways to think about things. And in it we cover stuff about loss, and lack, and scarcity, and what to do in times of extreme chaos and stress. Because a lot of us have been through that these past couple of years. It's not been easy for many people. So that's one thing that that I think could be of value to them. And I certainly hope it is.

Rennie Gabriel  19:15
Great. Well, I'll be sure to put the link to that excerpt in the show notes so people have access to it. And is there a question that I should have asked you, that would give some great value to my listeners?

Nancy Boyd  19:32
One of the things that I do get asked frequently, and I think that there's a lot of questions that I could say . . . But these days, I think that one of the best ones would be, what's the fastest and best way to stay centered when things are totally chaotic around you? That happens a lot for everyone, for a lot of different kinds of reasons. Like your life may not be in chaos, but the community around you could be. Or situations can arise that are very, that take you off center. So my answer to that would be that realize that your thoughts are making you feel chaotic. 

Rennie Gabriel  20:16
Oh, yeah, of course. 

Nancy Boyd  20:17
I mean there's the situation, and then you're, then there's your thoughts and your feelings about what's going on. So one of the best things that you can do to stay centered and stay grounded, no matter what's going on - and this is good advice at any time, I think - that you can change your thoughts by simply thinking about what would you rather have instead of this and replace that thought, whatever thoughts you've got going on, with something that you choose. You replace them with a better stronger thought, and that is connected to an outcome that you would prefer, a situation that you would love to be living. Like, what would I just love to have happen here? And go for it. You know, go thinking about it. Engage with that energy, because that's going to change things. That's going to change things big time for you, and you just try it. See what happens.

Rennie Gabriel  21:10
That makes so much sense if you can get out of the feelings and into what would I rather have. Well, Nancy, thank you for being on the Wealth On Any Income show. 

Nancy Boyd  21:24
It's my pleasure. It's my honor to be here, Rennie. Thank you so much.

Rennie Gabriel  21:27
You're welcome. And to my listeners, thank you for tuning in. You can listen to the Wealth On Any Income Podcast on your favorite platform. And please rate review and subscribe. And if you'd like to know how books, movies and society programs you to be poor, and what the cure is, then log on to wealthonanyincome.com/TEDx. You'll hear my TEDx talk and can request a free 27-page roadmap to Complete Financial Choice® and receive a weekly email with tips, techniques, or inspiration around your business or money. Again, that's wealthonanyincome.com/TEDx. Next week, we're going to have as our guest, Barry Shore, who after a paralyzing illness, talks about living life with joy. Until next week, be prosperous. Bye bye for now.

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