Episode 109: Creating a Rewarding Life with Ry Duong – Transcript
Rennie Gabriel 00:09
Hi folks, welcome to Episode 109 of the Wealth On Any Income Podcast. This is where we talk about money, tips, techniques, attitudes, information, and provide inspiration around your business and your money. I'm your host, Rennie Gabriel. In past episodes, we spoke about how to understand the numbers from your business, how to measure the level of pleasure based on where you spend your money, how to track your money in 5 to 10 seconds, what determines how close you are to Complete Financial Choice®, and how to run your business without being in your business. And last week, we had Linda Cain, who supports the "who's who" of transformational leaders in running their in-person and online events. Today we have as our guest, Ry Duong. Ry, did I pronounce your last name correctly?
Ry Duong 01:02
You did. You did.
Rennie Gabriel 01:04
Beautiful. Ry is a social worker with a specialty working with couples. After her baby sister died due to depression before COVID, it changed everything for her. She was personally in an unhealthy relationship for 17 years, and later realized it was not compatible from the start. While she believes marriage is sacred, she also believes that divorced men with children also deserve loving relationships. She has proved this can work. She left her empty marriage and is showing her children that love can elevate you and help you reach your full potential. Ry, welcome to the Wealth On Any Income Podcast.
Ry Duong 01:51
Oh, thank you. I'm so thrilled to be here. And thank you for that introduction. My God, it's so weird to hear people say it back to you.
Rennie Gabriel 02:00
Yes, I am sure that's correct. So let's get right to it with some questions. So tell me more about why you serve couples and how that applies to business.
Ry Duong 02:13
Yeah, so I serve couples in helping them with trying to find ways because most of the time we are in relationship we get carried away with work and careers and children. And so it's so important, we get lost and disconnected. So it's important to work with a couple to try to elevate that, that make that in a way where they're still connecting, having a nurturing relationship while trying to maintain all the household and the chaos around it. So on top of working with couples, I mostly specialize in working women from unplugging from unhealthy relationship. And so I work with women between the age of 35 to 45, as well as young women because they need a model. And I wish when I was going through it, I had a model to kind of shortcut the whole process.
Rennie Gabriel 02:59
Yeah, and you know, and I'm going to guess that when there is love and respect in a marriage, that there's a trickle effect in that it impacts all the other areas of our life, such as our career or our business, as well as our relationship with others, family members, friends, is that right?
Ry Duong 03:19
Yes, absolutely. Because I really think, I mean, for different people may be different reason what drives with you. But I think in the majority, we all desire to be loved and to love someone. So that is the fundamental of who we are to feel like we're safe and we belong someplace. So for me, it's very crucial, choosing that wise partner really has a huge effect. Who do you hang out with the most is that person that you have to deal with. And so if that's well and nurture, and has a solid foundation, anything that you want to achieve, career wise, family wise, relationship, networking, it all goes hand in hand, because you've got that cheerleader that when you're feeling down, they go, 'You can do this'. And when you're succeeding, they say, 'I knew you would do it.' So it feels amazing for the ego anyway.
Rennie Gabriel 04:11
Yeah, well, and it makes so much sense if at the opposite being if you're in an unhealthy relationship, if you're not with the person who can be your cheerleader. If there's arguments, if there's dissension, when you leave the home to go to your career, your work, your business, whatever, you're not in a good frame of mind.
Ry Duong 04:30
No, no, you're actually just attached to, I mean, you can try to do it, but over time, it actually starts burning you out. So you're burning both sides of the candle. So it's really hard. So it's nice to be able to have. We're not always at a 100% as much as we want to believe it. So it's nice to have that person who to go to, brainstorm ideas and elevate us up or cry with us when it's time to do that.
Rennie Gabriel 04:59
You know that makes so much sense. I'm very blessed to have that in my life so I truly do understand what you're talking about. Let me ask another question because I try to lead by example. I donate 100% of the profits from the work I do to charity. Is there a particular charity that you support and what do they do?
Ry Duong 05:20
Yes, so it's called here in Quebec, Canada, that's where I'm from, and it's called Le Versant. And they're basically devoted to helping people struggling with severe anxiety. And to some level, certain individuals suffer from depression. So what I do is I donate part of my pay on like, without me knowing, it goes into that. And whenever I can, oh, that actually, there's two organization that I do. So I forgot there was a second one as well. I love non-profit organizations, because I always believe for a good community to exist, you need to volunteer. You need to give back. So the first one is called Le Versant for individuals suffering from severe anxiety, which I partner up with them, and I donate money to them. And there's the second organization. It's a French term. So basically, they serve blended families. So family who's been divorced, and they've been recoupled with a new partner, and how to make that work. Because it is tricky, when you're in the blended family trying to make that work each side with their bunch of kids and your whole baggage. So . . . Yeah,
Rennie Gabriel 06:29
You are absolutely correct. My second marriage was a blended family. And yes, I do know the difficulty. It requires some therapy to work through some of those issues.
Ry Duong 06:41
Absolutely. And we do therapy, me and my boyfriend, he has no children. And I tried to be very proactive ahead of time. And thank God, I have a partner that's open, because it's not every man that likes to go to therapy. Who likes to go to therapy? People think females like to go to therapy, because we like to talk. I rather not have to go and do something else with my time.
Rennie Gabriel 07:04
I get it. It's clear. As a personal question, tell me what you would think would be your biggest failure or learning lesson, whether it was personal or in business.
Ry Duong 07:16
So for me personally, the biggest thing that really fuels me why I'm so passionate about helping women, it's really my failed marriage. For me, a family, marriage, the couple is my number one priority. And when that foundation is solid, then everything else is solid, and that's what I'm experiencing in my own life, right now. I see how important that is. It's what I always believed, but I thought it was the opposite - I thought it was family first. So each person do differently - I'm not saying that that is, but to me, that's how it works. So failing my 17-year, marriage was a... the hardest thing I ever had to do. Saying goodbye, you know, you try and you try and invest and invest. We go through couples counseling, and it's not going anywhere. We're hitting the wall. And I have to come to the toughest decision going for the happiness of him and for my own happiness. And being an example for my children - I don't want them to think that unhappy marriage is the way to go. So I choose to leave. So that was really hard. And that was the trigger when my sister passed away from depression, I realized life is too short to lead a life like this. And so I want to empower other women to say - You know, you don't have to be stuck in a marriage and settle, and think that's all there is to your life. There's so much more out there. And when you open and explore the horizon, you realize you can really lead the best life and design it the way you want it.
Rennie Gabriel 08:47
It's just so clear, that makes so much sense because children emulate what they see, not what they hear. Which means you know, you could tell them one thing about your relationship, but they'll see if it's working or not working. And what they see is what they'll end up experiencing in their life. So being an example for your children in a relationship that works is the best way to show your children what a working relationship looks like.
Ry Duong 09:18
Yeah, and by being happy doesn't necessarily mean you have to always be in a couple. I had to find the hardest decision realizing that maybe I'll - and it's a scary thought - you know, when you get divorced, maybe I'll end up an old lady alone. Nobody would love me. But I chose to take that risk, and tell myself I am worthy of love. And love, it's so much more than just with a partner. It could be with friends. It could be with family. It could be with children. We have to look at it bigger. It's whatever works for you. Of course having a partner, it's great. It's perfect - that's the thing, but it could be so much more. Love is so broad. So don't limit yourself to just meaning I have to be with somebody. If you are made to be with somebody and you guys are compatible, perfect. But if it would mean that you have to be alone, I know there's single women that are alone who are extremely happy, have a very enriched life.
Rennie Gabriel 10:22
Yeah, well, let me ask you this. When people work with you, what are the kinds of things that they experience, or what kind of feelings did they experience as a result of the kind of work that you're doing?
Ry Duong 10:37
So they really get to be in touch with their core values, have a clarity in terms of what they truly desire in a relationship, get perspective on, okay, what are my patterns, because we all have a pattern that we fall into. Some of my clients end up repeating the same pattern, picking the wrong men, or vice versa, and not understanding why they keep making the same mistake. So I help to clarify that. And once they know where they're going, knowing what they really want, there's a difference between what you want and what you truly need. And helping to define what that are, and still not feel limited, but still feel like that your wings are spread and that you have options. And you can really have an ideal partner that matches well with you. You just got to know how to look and what you need to do. So I have a strategy to put in place to get them to question and reflect. And you really need to do a lot of internal work yourself. You can't find the right partner if you don't know how to be happy with yourself. So . . .
Rennie Gabriel 11:44
Yeah, well now we've spoken about your situation. We've spoken in general, but do you have a case study of how this, what transformation took place with a specific individual you may have been working with?
Ry Duong 12:00
Yeah, so I had this one client. She doesn't like therapy, hate it - Sho Yaun. But I said, 'Just you know, just be open, explore. Like right now, is it working for you, the marriage?' 'No, I'm really unhappy'. 'Okay, so let's dive in and see what's wrong with your marriage'. In this case, they went into therapy, they didn't have the same communication style - can't seem to get on the same page. And so I really worked with them. Okay, so this is the struggle right now, what exactly do you want to do? Are you trying to get out of the marriage, or do you want to stay in the marriage? So if they tell me they want to stay in the marriage, we look in and see, okay, what is his style? What's your style? And how can we actually meet and find a compromise because relationship is a give and take. Now, you don't always win all the time. You got to be a team player. And it's really hard to do. But the only way to do that it's knowing what do you need, how to express your need, instead of hoping they know. My husband should know what I need. She should know...
Rennie Gabriel 13:09
Why can't they read my mind?
Ry Duong 13:11
Exactly. So it's learning how to express that and yet at the same time, doing it in a very loving way with a lot of compassion. And there comes a time when you reach a crossroads where you've tried and tried everything, and it's still not working. Now that's the tougher decision. Where do you want to do, what do you want to do? So for in my case, for her, she really got it to connecting. Once you start knowing a little bit more of herself, her pattern and so on, in this case, she come to realize herself that this relationship was not for her. He was very self-centered on his own needs. She would often have to watch all of his show, she always had to plan every single activity, the romance is just not there. Even if they tried to spice things up, it just come falls back to the same thing. And at one point she had to decide, do I keep staying, I said, 'Look, if you keep staying in this relationship, you cannot complain. You chose to be in this relationship. So you either got to find a way to make it work, or the other tough decision is exit the marriage, redefine yourself, and how do you envision having that life'. So helping her through the process of what that means to redefine yourself, create a new identity now you're no longer a married woman. You're going to be a single mom. What does that look like, the financial, how to plan -the court, the custody, preparing her all of that stuff. So now today she is in a much more healthier relationship. She was always curious about exploring, being with another female but hold herself back from doing it because society tells her you can't do it. So now that she decided I want to live because I felt like I was dying in that marriage. And so after she left the relationship, she started dating a woman. And she realized after a while, 'This is not for me. I tried it. But I realized I'm more heterosexual. I'd rather be with a man.' And then we go into, okay, what is your ideal partner? How do you go about it, you know, teaching her with the dating process, how to restart all of that, and not to be too much in your head. And just learning to embrace the circumstance and having fun with it. Because life is about having fun and enjoying the journey. It really is. We forget.
Rennie Gabriel 15:37
Yeah, that is the ideal way to go through this life. Now, I remember from a time before, when you and I had a conversation, you've got some document on the Five Secrets of an Ideal Partner. I'd like to offer that to my listeners. And if you're willing, how could they get a hold of that?
Ry Duong 16:00
Absolutely. So I'm finishing all the editing. And once that's done, I'm going to definitely be sharing it with you, Rennie. So it's probably going to be on my website, and they can actually access, they can send me an email, and then they'll get access to that document.
Rennie Gabriel 16:16
Ry Duong 16:16
So basically, it's a five secret of - listen it's not a one type fits all because we're not going to lie, there's no one perfect man for all the woman or vice versa. But this is just a common trait to allow you to know whether that partner could potentially be a good mate and compatible to what you're looking for.
Rennie Gabriel 16:39
Sounds great. I will be sure to put all of that in the show notes.
Ry Duong 16:43
Yeah. And they could just write to me like, firstname.lastname@example.org. It's that's simple.
Rennie Gabriel 16:50
Yeah. Okay. I'll put that in the show notes. And is there a question that I should have asked you, that would give some additional value to those who are listening?
Ry Duong 17:00
Okay, so what would I do if I find myself in an unhealthy relationship? So the first thing you would do is really, I would take some time - do some internal work. So quiet down, you've got to, you've got to distance. The way to do it when you're actually in a marriage or in a relationship, you are too much into the chaos. So there's really a hard time to gain clarity. So in order to do that, you need to be able to have - to set some time for yourself to really center in and go internal, and start asking yourself, Well, what is it that I desire? What is it that is the source of my pain and agony? And then once you're able to list that out, you can really start going to the source and trying to deal with it. And sometimes it's hard, because how do you communicate the source of your pain? So you can try to do it yourself or you can get some coaching. And that's when I actually come in, is coaching people how do you go about in expressing that in a loving way. If you actually approach your partner in a language that they understand because we all have different language, of in terms of when we get feedback. Whether it's we're feeling attacked, or we feel like, okay, I can be receptive to this. So it's all in the way of the message, how it's delivered, and how to create that atmosphere so that they're much more open. So I coach people through doing that.
Rennie Gabriel 18:25
And that makes so much sense. I think it's way too difficult to get at that stuff by oneself. And it really helps.
Ry Duong 18:34
You can attempt it. It's just be really hard.
Rennie Gabriel 18:38
I mean, no, it's, I mean, one of the things that I say all the time, and it doesn't matter if I'm talking about business, or wealth, or relationships - but it's a team sport, not a solo sport. When you have the ability to bounce, when you have the opportunity to bounce something off someone else, you can get the kind of feedback that you can't get when you're spinning it around in your own head.
Ry Duong 19:00
Yes, that's right. And I love that quote of yours. I told you many times, it is such a wise and smart quote. Why go through all the pain when you can skip it when some, use somebody else's experience. Fast track it for you. Save yourself all the heartache.
Rennie Gabriel 19:19
Ry, thank you for being on the show.
Ry Duong 19:23
Thank you for having me, Rennie. I just have an amazing time every time I'm in your presence and the humbleness and the love. So I'm just so honored. That's all.
Rennie Gabriel 19:33
Thank you so much. And to my listeners, thank you for tuning in. Next week, you're going to have me talking about how to avoid paying for advertising and find more of your ideal clients on any income. You can listen to the Wealth On Any Income Podcast on your favorite platform. And please rate, review, and subscribe. And if you'd like to know how books, movies, and society programs you to be poor, and what the cure is, then log on to wealthonanyincome.com/TEDx. You'll hear my TEDx talk and can request a free 9 Step, 27-Page Roadmap to Complete Financial Choice®, and receive a weekly email with tips, techniques, or inspiration around your business or your money. And if you'd like to see how you can increase your wealth, and donate to the causes that touch your heart, please check out our affordable program, Wealth with Purpose, again on the wealthonanyincome.com website. Until next week, be prosperous. Bye bye for now.